For some months now, two of my friends and I have been trying to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It's one of my favorites, and my dear friend E. hadn't seen it yet.
I don't remember the first time I saw that movie, but I know it was with dad. I must've been around 13 - I think we still lived in Texas. I've always associated the movie with him. We would randomly say lines from it to each other, sometimes related to the conversation, sometimes out of the blue, just 'cause. I would start quoting some of our favorite lines here, but that would just open a can of worms as I would likely write down about half the script.
Anyways, my other friend, M., was being rather persistent about getting together to watch it right around January/February. I was already overwhelmed with school in January, and then dad passed, so I really wasn't feeling it. It was just too close and I knew I couldn't handle it. E. caught on, and let M. know the real reason. We finally watched it last night, probably a good six months since we found out E. hadn't seen it.
Did it hurt?
Not as bad as I thought it would. There were a few small twangs in my heart, but luckily, the movie is hilarious and I chose to laugh. I managed to get through, only thinking of dad a few times.
I'm not always brave, though.
A couple nights ago, I was talking with my roommates, and for whatever reason, the conversation turned to if we resemble our parents and how they looked at our age. That was all fine and dandy when my roommates were pulling up pictures their parents had posted on social media of the good old days. I knew I couldn't handle looking at dad's Facebook page, so I pulled up mom's. Well, friends, my mom's profile pic is an adorable picture of her and dad and I lost it. It hurt knowing that I would never in this mortal life see my dear parents like that again. This whole thing sucks for me, but I can't even imagine how much worse it must be for mom. Maybe it hurt extra right then since I finally visited my counselor person for the first time since I went home in February earlier that day.
I've realized I've been trying to be brave these two months. I've been holding it down, running on survival mode just to get through this awful semester and trying to catch up from missing a whole week of class (note to self or anybody who thinks it's a good idea to miss a week of class: don't.). I bet that once this semester from heck is over, all of the things I've been holding in are going to come out Mt. St. Helens style. This has been hard, but I've kept telling myself that it's fine, everything's fine, even though it's really and completely not. I guess you could say I "bravely ran away" from all the weight. Ok, sometimes it was less than brave. Retail therapy is a very real thing. ...It's a miracle I've made it through this semester. My GPA, though, not so much...
But it's fine. It's fine. Everything's Fine.
it's not.
sometimes it's ok to bravely run away.
just know that the confrontation will come eventually.
and everything will be ok.
I don't remember the first time I saw that movie, but I know it was with dad. I must've been around 13 - I think we still lived in Texas. I've always associated the movie with him. We would randomly say lines from it to each other, sometimes related to the conversation, sometimes out of the blue, just 'cause. I would start quoting some of our favorite lines here, but that would just open a can of worms as I would likely write down about half the script.
Anyways, my other friend, M., was being rather persistent about getting together to watch it right around January/February. I was already overwhelmed with school in January, and then dad passed, so I really wasn't feeling it. It was just too close and I knew I couldn't handle it. E. caught on, and let M. know the real reason. We finally watched it last night, probably a good six months since we found out E. hadn't seen it.
Did it hurt?
Not as bad as I thought it would. There were a few small twangs in my heart, but luckily, the movie is hilarious and I chose to laugh. I managed to get through, only thinking of dad a few times.
I'm not always brave, though.
A couple nights ago, I was talking with my roommates, and for whatever reason, the conversation turned to if we resemble our parents and how they looked at our age. That was all fine and dandy when my roommates were pulling up pictures their parents had posted on social media of the good old days. I knew I couldn't handle looking at dad's Facebook page, so I pulled up mom's. Well, friends, my mom's profile pic is an adorable picture of her and dad and I lost it. It hurt knowing that I would never in this mortal life see my dear parents like that again. This whole thing sucks for me, but I can't even imagine how much worse it must be for mom. Maybe it hurt extra right then since I finally visited my counselor person for the first time since I went home in February earlier that day.
I've realized I've been trying to be brave these two months. I've been holding it down, running on survival mode just to get through this awful semester and trying to catch up from missing a whole week of class (note to self or anybody who thinks it's a good idea to miss a week of class: don't.). I bet that once this semester from heck is over, all of the things I've been holding in are going to come out Mt. St. Helens style. This has been hard, but I've kept telling myself that it's fine, everything's fine, even though it's really and completely not. I guess you could say I "bravely ran away" from all the weight. Ok, sometimes it was less than brave. Retail therapy is a very real thing. ...It's a miracle I've made it through this semester. My GPA, though, not so much...
But it's fine. It's fine. Everything's Fine.
it's not.
sometimes it's ok to bravely run away.
just know that the confrontation will come eventually.
and everything will be ok.
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